Did you feel comfortable when you decided to stop having more children? Back when Phil and I were discussing our plans to start a family we had pretty much decided to have four.
Then we had one.
Our gorgeous, funny, incredibly clever little dude is frankly amazing. He’s also the most challenging child I’ve ever cared for outside of those with behavioural conditions. This has been backed up by several other people and anyone who has said “Oh it’s always harder with your first/boys/redheads” is met with a look that implies the response I haven’t quite got the nerve to actually say.
We adore our son, but when pregnant with Martha we knew that, all being well, we would be stopping at two.
I had two healthy (all things considered) pregnancies, two absolutely incredible births and we have two healthy and wonderful children. We both, however, suffered emotionally an awful lot on the back of Toby’s silent reflux and high needs personality – I ended up with postnatal depression after Martha’s arrival as I processed how much harder it had been to bond with Toby. My body suffered physically in Martha’s pregnancy with excruciating hip and pelvic pain known as PGP.
The desire for a larger family has been outweighed now and it’s not just about the struggles at all – it’s also about how bloody happy we are with our little family! With Martha about to turn 1 and Toby’s 3rd birthday not far behind, we absolutely love getting out and enjoying family time; Exploring, having adventures, Phil and Toby work on the allotment, we scoot, we walk, we play, we picnic.
It’s not perfect, but it’s perfect for us
Plus, we don’t create good sleepers and the thought of another decade of sleep deprivation from waiting a few years then having two more babies, is quite frankly terrifying!
So I have a question for you, which I’ve asked over on a new discussion platform called Qutee. It’s free to sign up and you can get involved with loads of parenting-related discussions on the Parenting 101 hub – click to get involved with my Qutee about stopping at two.
I’d love to know if you knew when you were ready to stop having children, or have you not reached that point? How many do you have?
** This is a sponsored post, all words are my own**
Kat - Frau Naish 24th April 2017 at 12:29 pm
I had to make the decision to stop at one. We never discussed how many we would have but hubby wants no more and for health reasons I have also decided to look after number 1 (me!) and concentrate on our son too. I did write about it, if you fancy checking it out.
Hannah 25th April 2017 at 1:38 pm
I’ll definitely have a read Kat. There’s so much to consider with making the decision isn’t there? No two families have the same experiences xx
Alyssa 25th April 2017 at 1:10 pm
We are done at 2, To be honest we were nearly done at one. I have one rubbish sleeper and a good one. Can’t risk my mental health on another.
Hannah 25th April 2017 at 1:37 pm
Yep, I totally get this Alyssa! Martha’s a better sleeper than Toby was as a baby, but still not great. My PND and the struggles I’ve had figuring out how to be a mama to two has been tough. Hugs and love, you’re doing great xx
Al 25th April 2017 at 11:19 pm
We have t reached that point but nature may have! 5 miscarriages in and we are losing hope. I don’t think I will ever be ready to accept that I won’t be having any more children.
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 5:40 am
I can’t imagine how that feels Al, my heart has broken for you and Jen so many times x
Amy @ The Smallest Of Things 26th April 2017 at 11:46 am
I’m not sure I will ever feel done! I can’t imagine not ever feeling my baby moving around or going through labour again. But saying that before I had children I wanted a whole army but I think one more will probably it for us
ox
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 7:00 pm
In different circumstances I’d have had at least two more, but all things considered I feel happy with the decision. It’s a tough one though!xx
Abbie 26th April 2017 at 11:55 am
I wish I could be comfortable in our decision to stay at 2 children. We always said we were only going to have two, but since having our second I constantly have that ‘what if’ voice in the back of my head about a third. But then I wonder if that’s just a voice that will always be there, no matter how many children I had! x
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 7:01 pm
Yes I think sometimes that voice will always linger! I guess for me it’s focusing on the positives of having stopped now – our little family is us now, forever more, I love that xx
Jaime Oliver 26th April 2017 at 3:49 pm
oh Hannah I can so relate, I always wanted a bigger family but my broken body means I cant go on to have anymore
sending big hugs lovely
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 7:02 pm
Oh darling, I know how awful you’ve had it and I hate that you’ve had so many issues with your health, it’s not fair. I’m happy, being away this week is lovely because I’m looking in at us as a four and knowing that this is us now, which is nice xx
Donna 26th April 2017 at 6:54 pm
We’re stopping at two as well. It’s right for us and as much as I would love more, we have to make a conscious decision to stop at some point and right now our family dynamic seems pretty perfect x
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 7:02 pm
Yes, absolutely that! I love our dynamic too and I look seeing your two gorgeous kids because the similar age gap makes me so excited for how ours will be together as they grow xx
Molly 26th April 2017 at 9:23 pm
I’m pretty sure we’re done at two too – two is hard work! We have a lovely family unit and I don’t feel broody, even as my toddler grows. I do say “never say never” though – much to the frustration of my husband who is dead set that we’re stopping at two!!
Hannah 26th April 2017 at 9:25 pm
It’s nice when you feel contented within your family unit isn’t it? I’m quite surprised by how okay I am with it xx
Madeline (This Glorious Life) 28th April 2017 at 7:44 pm
I have 2 children, and don’t feel like I’m ‘done’ yet. I think you just sort of know don’t you, when your family is complete. x
Hannah 29th April 2017 at 6:57 am
I agree, I think you’ll feel it. It’s not necessarily a 100% feeling – I’ll always wonder what it would have been like to have more – but I feel so content with out decision xx
Lisa ( mummascribbles) 29th April 2017 at 5:36 pm
I would absolutely love more children but I think in reality, we are probably done. I have two wonderful boys that I am so grateful for and well, we are knackered!!
Hannah 29th April 2017 at 5:41 pm
It’s not an easy choice is it? Your boys are so gorgeous and an absolute credit to you xx
Newcastle Family Life 29th April 2017 at 10:05 pm
I always wanted 4 children too, however after having Jacob I won’t be having anymore. I think having a child who doesn’t sleep and is demanding really wears you down and I am only just starting to feel ‘normal’ again now he is almost 3. I like life now that the baby days are over and we can enjoy family days out and holidays, I do sometimes wonder what it would be like having another but I don’t think I could do it all again xx
Jules Pondering Parenthood 30th April 2017 at 5:40 pm
We’re pondering baby number two at the moment and, while we’re unsure of what life will be like with a second, we feel our family will be complete with two children. Hopefully we’ll be fortunate enough to have that wish fulfilled xx
Lucy Melissa Smith (Hello Beautiful Bear) 30th April 2017 at 10:38 pm
Aw I love this, if two is right for you then so be it! I don’t think there’s a magical number or a one-size fits all. We also wanted four and I definitely want more (desperately actually) but sometimes I think I’d be happy just with Lily if it turned out that way. It’d be heartbreaking but I think I’d go with ‘if must be meant to be’. It’s how I deal I guess.
xx
Hannah 1st May 2017 at 7:06 am
Lots and lots of love darling, I hope you get a second baby to love and adore the way you do Lily xx
Mrs H 3rd May 2017 at 1:14 pm
I don’t feel like we are done with two. But I know that we are done. It
is quite hard to when you know that the decision has been taken out
of your hands. But still I love our little family and I wouldn’t want them any other way. Hugs Lucy xxxx