You find a boyfriend/girlfriend: “When are you getting married?”
You get married: “When are you having a baby?”
You have a baby: “When’s the next one coming?”
You have a second baby: “Are you having any more?”
You say no: “Oooh, never say never!”
http://nancynorthcott.jim-mcdonald.net/2008/01/ I said “No”. We are not having any more babies.
“Well I suppose you do have one of each, so you don’t need any more, do you?”
Erm… Actually I wanted all boys, but that’s a topic I’ve covered before, and in fact our children’s genitals play exactly zero part in this decision.
I get it, throughout life and in various situations people have their stock questions and stock answers. They’re (generally) well-meaning, but it does strike me as odd that when you say you don’t want any more children, that decision is met with the jovial response that you’ll change your mind. Now I know that some people do end up having more, however likewise some don’t, and there can be so many reasons why.
For us, the reasons are simple:
- We’re too knackered
- We’d like to start travelling again soon (with and without the mini people)
- We’d like Phil to retire early
- I don’t think my mental health could cope with another baby
- We don’t want to move house
Some people stop at one, some at 6, some people stop at a certain number but always feel they want more. Some people wish for more but can’t have them, while some people have ‘whoops’ babies. Every family and situation is different, so I just think that for as long as people will inevitably ask when the next baby is likely to come along, they should accept whatever answer they are given.
“Will you be having any more babies?”
“No, we’re stopping at two”
“Fair enough, how are the little ones getting on?”
Obviously if the situation is complicated and the person in question wishes to discuss things further then they can, but nobody should ever feel judged for how many or how few children they bring into the world. I generally just smile and repeat that we’re definitely not having any more, but I have known for this sort of conversation to be very sensitive for people, and I can see why!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this; does it bother you when people question your life choices, or do you just smile and shrug it off? Let me know in the comments below, or get in touch on Facebook.
Fancy suggesting a ‘Grab a cuppa, let’s talk about…’ topic? Send over your suggestions!